When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive…. so, I took her to a gas station….. and then
the fight started….

  *********************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her
the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And
that's when the fight started.

  ************************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the cou nter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The
woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.' And then the fight started…..

  ************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging he r drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'  'Yes,' I
sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started…..

  *********** *************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it…. he was a DWARF!!! He
stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's how the fight started…..

******************************************************** *****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He
said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started….. 

Went to a party Mom

(read all the way to the bottom and sign yourname)

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put ' Mommy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you,Mom!'
So I love you and good-bye.

MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) IS HOPING TO GET 5,000
SIGNATURES ON THIS, THEN PASS IT ON TO SIGN.

When this petition has reached 5,000, please return i t to:

MADD
P.O. Box 54168 8
Dallas , TX 75354-1688
1-800-GET-MADD (1-800-438-6233)

If you receive this petition and do nothing but delete it, your selfishnessknows no bounds. Signing is such a small effort to make. After you have read the poem, please add your name at the bottom. And never forget, DON'T EVERDRINK AND DRIVE, not even once, thinking that it won't matter. IT DEFINITELYWILL MATTER!!!

How to set it up:
* Click on Forward
* SIGN YOUR NAME AT THE BOTTOM.
* Then send it to everyone you know.

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Although considered "safe and dependable,” these money funds have been exposed to risk during the credit crunch. They are not insured by the government.

Money market funds usually are composed of a a mix of short-term corporate bonds, Treasury bills, and other high-quality debt. But they recently also bought into more unusual types of investments such as  paper issued by structured investment vehicles.

These SIV’s are problematic since selling some of them is an issue.

In fact, "last August, over half of money fund managers were buying SIV-related debt, which amounted to about 5 percent of money market fund holdings,” says money fund expert Peter Crane, president and CEO of Crane Data, which tracks money market funds.

So what can you do? First, you can check and make sure you are invested personally invested in a true money market mutual fund and not some hybrid that you do not understand.

 She was Soooooooo Blonde.  

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.

* She thought General Motors was in the army.

* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."  

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…  

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.

* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."  

She was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…  

* She tripped over a cordless phone.

* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate,"

* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK,"

* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.  

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…  

* She studied for a blood test.

* She sold the car for gas money.

* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.  

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…  

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

Instead  of farmers growing food for America, they are growing ethanol. Rich farm subsidies have screwed the American taxpayer. Ethanol could be bought on the cheap from South America.

It doesn’t look like we can count on the politicians for looking out for our best interests. We need a change of heart and tough laws against lobbyists. Just the other day I hear about the U.S. taxpayer subsidizing companies doing business overseas at the tune of 37-billion dollars. That is BILLION!

Come on, how much fleecing of the taxpayer withstand? Who is going to put arm twisting, against the public interest lobbyists in jail? The nations personal bank finances need a clean sweep.

Patriotic personal bank checks are a great way to express your American pride. Each and every day is the 4th of July when you wave your American flag design personal bank checks, and enjoy the vintage tractors featured on our John Deere personal checks. You also can order address labels and checkbook covers to match the designs. All bank checks are available in a variety of formats.

Property taxes must first be appealed through administrative agencies starting at the tax assessor level and progressing to the municipal levels before progressing through the tax courts. Case in point is Indianapolis where attorneys representing the state to dismiss a case questioning the constitutionality of property taxes. Talk about ducking an issue.

Nevertheless, if you are checking on how to reduce your property taxes, go to http://www.housetaxax.com for  help with what many feel is the most reliable manual online to do-it-yourself property tax appeals.  Your bank check balance will jump for joy when you win!